1. |
Darkness
06:05
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darkness came to my house quite recently
pulled in to the drive and walked right up to my door
i can’t quite call darkness a solicitor
no, darkness has been over to my house before
curtains drawn but windows still open
on a lazy afternoon when lazy meant something else
when everything was “better” in quotes, still hazy though
I had a part-time job feeling sorry for myself
i had friends, a complicated lover
who could read me like no other and that sorta ruled her out
who still has a sweater that i’d love to go and get ‘er but
i am relatively sure it’s hers now
oh but back to the darkness, the sick strange darkness
i originally heard about from blink 182
amidst all the silly stuff, the warped tour and school is rough
that they’ll still sing and write at blink age 82
i don’t really have a doorbell, are there still doorbells
or are they gone to Argentina with calling cards and message machines I
keep a handbell on the porch that I once got in Virginia
It’s mostly a joke, but darkness picked it up and rang
what to do? it was clear I was home
my mom’s old Honda CRV parked outside, the music blaring
through the window’s i’d left open i let slip my last hope and
i invited darkness in for a coffee and a talk
my house
is your house
my house
is your house
i pressed the french press, water still boiling
as he caught me up on goings on in his dark world
the usual violence, tornado sirens
the deadly silence of a house divided
used to it all, i said what else is new
that’s when he put down his coffee and stared at the floor
he told me a tale of a pestilence so prevalent, malevolent
the likes of which we’d almost never seen before
usually, i have something to say
constantly talking out of my way
but my words did fail me, no humor availed me
had another sip of coffee as the room turned grey
we were old friends, so he gave me a mask
a geyser of sanitizer and a mostly full flask
I would kiss you goodbye, he said, but i’m trying to keep my distance
i asked him to stay, and despite my persistence
he floated through the doorway without even touching it
left a shadow on the floor, but it’ll clean out
i sighed, closed the door, hung up my heart
and i forgot what it was i was so sad about
my house
is your house
my house
is your house
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2. |
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Lightning strikes
Pole comes down
It’s a summer kinda storm
In the biggest small town
In the season when it comes
But you’re still off guard
And you’re wondering why you ever left home
And the woman i love is imaginary
She comes to me in darkness
And speaks to me in dreams
There’s a cautionary tale
On the stereo tonight
But it sorta feels right
I need to walk i need some air and a reason
I need to find something new to care about
I need to climb i need to start
Get away from myself
And away from my heart
thunder crash
and the call comes round
did you hear it?
now everybody duck and hit the ground
there’s a window in the basement
but it’s still the safest place when
God decides to get angry again
they built this town
then they built it again
i tore you apart
just to draw up new plans
you’re still standing there
like a frame in the wind
bricks scattered, we pass and we sigh
I need a walk i need some air and a reason
I need to find something new to care about
I need to climb i need to start
Get away from myself
And away from my heart
Won’t you go and run for cover?
Won’t you go and run for cover?
Won’t you go and run for cover, get underneath the covers
Won’t you go and run for cover to another?
Run for cover
I need a walk i need a start, and a reason
I need to find something new to care about
I need to climb i need to start
Get away from myself
And away from my heart
Get away from myself
Get away from myself
And away from my heart
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3. |
Plans
04:24
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work on yourself for a while
by the time you do it
there’ll be no one left to show
but at least you got through it
if time was an illusion
before all of this hit
what’s it come to now?
and should we still count?
got a floor, got a mat
got a web connection
got into a staring contest
with my modest reflection
if living in the present
is the ultimate goal
does it mean we’re done?
zen’d out everyone
you say you’re planning a garden
but i beg your pardon
i don’t understand
what plans
what are days what are weeks
what are you doin tomorrow
do you have a little song
that I could borrow
time is clearly passing
by the aging of spring
are we still young?
is anyone?
think I'll walk across the room
and look out the window
think i’ll stay inside my head
and listen to wind blow
i tried keeping my distance
but now you're too far away
you're on your phone
and you feel alone
you say you’re planning a garden
but i beg your pardon
i don’t understand
you and your plans
i’d like to make one
plans
show you what i’ve done
plans
believe in what could be
plans
if only i could see you again
i’d make some plans
maybe days maybe weeks
maybe tomorrow
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4. |
Parasite
03:27
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Did you feel
Something shift over night?
the palm trees rise
like fireworks
inverted in a flaming sky
The world is dying
But I feel so alive
Am i the parasite?
Am I
It was all so beautiful
It hurt my eyes
Heading home
from los angeles
A solitary morning flight
I’ll see you on the other side
I think I might
The world is dying so why do I
Feel so alive
Am I the parasite?
Am I?
Easy go but they never come
I feed off memories until I’m done
I’m not afraid of the plans we’ve made
I’m not afraid of the plans we’ve made
unless you are
i climbed up the hill where we would both get high
sky was grey
if i lost you once, you know it’s been a thousand times
you said fuck off, and i obliged
but i need you tonight
am i the parasite?
am i?
do you need me like i need you, honey?
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5. |
Slow Motion Panic
03:13
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slow motion panic
it’s a subtle sort of freak out
no one knows how it’s gonna shake out
measuring privilege
gotta make it a reminder
kinder to myself in all my worry
slow motion panic
I just want to find a way out
I can't swim but there's water rushing into my house
nowhere to go to
oh there's no escaping
I'd be faking if I said I'm doing fine
nothing but time in the world
but there’s no more time in the world
there's no more time in the world
time in the world
i need more time, i’m
slow motion panicking
been living on a prospect
object comfort
hasn’t called my number yet
i heard the siren
but did i really listen?
Missing out as i shelter myself from the storm
with nothing but time in the world
but there’s no more time in the world
nothing but time in the world
time in the world
i need more time
cause i know you
i know you feel it too
it’s not right
don’t you see?
it’s too tight
to breathe easy like we used to
before this slow motion panic
slow motion panic
it's a subtle sort of freakout
no one knows exactly how it's gonna shake out
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6. |
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The town where i live
Is crumbling quick
Should we go somewhere?
Make no mistake
I’ve wanted to break out for a long time
Habits die hard
Old trees in the yard
Branches bend and break in the storm
Somebody’s gotta pick them up
Somebody’s gotta pick them up
Somebody’s gotta pick them up
Maybe I should just pick them up
The friends that I had
Been missing them bad
But not too bad
If I were gone
They would move on soon enough
Give it some time
Wait for a sign
Signals smoke then fade in the night
Somebody’s gotta light em up
Somebody’s gotta light em up
Somebody’s gotta light it up
Maybe I, maybe I
Needed everything I swore I’d never need
Believed in every story they want you to believe
I gave half my all
I wanna take what’s left and fall
But somebody’s gotta pick me up
The look on your face
Is so far away
Let me come to you
Let me come to you
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7. |
I Don't Want To
04:17
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somewhere in the night
i heard you crying
it was all just a dream
everybody knows
the summer’s dying
And you and i roll separately
i don’t know
where you’ll go
i can only guess
this is not my strongest suit
maybe it’s a test
do i want you?
i don’t want to
you were a pilgrim on a pathway
me, a lover on the road
i pulled into your driveway
to see if you came home
and there you were
in your mother’s dress
what are we waiting for?
a tired dance we both know
But are we keeping score?
do i want you?
i don’t want to
i moved away, i missed the seasons
i moved away, i missed the coast
i moved away, i didn’t notice
that i missed you the most
there’s something soothing in the darkness
there’s something funny in the light
there’s something hiding in your heart, yes
i wanna find you tonight
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8. |
Straight To Hell
02:50
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if there’s one hope i have
it’s to see you before our time runs
i’m not out to make you sad
but sometimes it’s the worst case
where my head is at
but if i go straight to hell
i’m glad i knew you sort of well
and if i can come back
as a tree or whatever
i hope we can grow together
i saw you cut your hair
it looks nice, i’d never cut my
own days seem to blur
sometimes it’s the little things, keep me honest
let me rest assured
but if i go straight to hell
i’m glad i knew you sort of well
and if i can come back
as a tree or whatever
i hope we can grow together
as a tree or whatever
i hope we can grow together
together
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9. |
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I don’t set an alarm anymore,
Because there isn’t much to get up for in the morning.
Nobodies bringing me breakfast in bed
And tea for one doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.
I don’t eat like I used to,
Because everything in the fridge
Seems to leave me before I’ve realised it needs my attention.
Don’t fall in love with potential
Fall in love patterns they say
And If polka dots are promise
I’m the paisley prince of poor choices,
Brocade
Basket weave
Basket case.
Checkered
Chinoiserie
Fleur-de-lee
Ogee of potential and heartbreak
Heaven sent to make the wrong choices at the right time.
Self sabotaged myself into solitude
To ponder my existence and what it means to love
In the company of Pothos and Philodendron,
Dracaena Trifasciata,
Take my labored breath
Sway under the current of the ceiling fan
And cleanse the air live in
I measure time in cigarettes now
I measure happiness in pints
I measure meaning in Marijuna.
The next armchair philosopher
The world does not need.
I forgot the world was even out there,
because I’m trying to find Bukowski
at the bottom of this bottle
And I have him in my sights.
Everything has changed and nothing,
You are still the light
And I am still the tunnel.
But there is no end,
We both live forever.
I still write songs about you even though you’re gone
I still buy your favourite flowers so my house smells like a home.
I still play your favourite records and I dance to them alone,
I still write songs about you even though you’re gone.
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10. |
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I’ve been saving messages
I’ve been saving messages
I don’t know when they’ll call again
Taking mental images
I’ve been saving messages
I’ve been decking out my place
Potted plants, bespoke bookcase
Pages of the ages I’ll never be
Painted a wall, oh did you see
I’ve been decking out my place
Close your eyes and dream a dream
Where people never die
Where people never die
Does it change the meaning?
I’ve been calling restaurants
Just to see what specials they’ve got
I don’t order anything
It’s quite rude, and I should stop
I’ve been calling restaurants
I close my eyes and count to three
Or ten, or sometimes more
Tried sitting on the floor
Saying the same thing over and over
A phrase once gifted or possibly lifted
From an Americana Dalai Lama
If someone chants it too
Does it change the meaning?
Running out of memory
Relying on summary
Must conserve my energy
What a lovely century
The thought of you hit me again
I’ve been saving messages
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11. |
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send my regards to you
send my regards to you
it’s been too long
and it had already been too long
i’ve had the same song
the very same song
in my head
since last we met
you played it in the car
on the way home from the bar
we’d only had a couple
you whispered in my ear
as you left me here
i had a feeling about you
send my regards to you
send my regards to you
i know it well
i know that look too well
your eyes tell
what language couldn’t tell
where was i?
where were you?
when the heart chooses to fall
there’s little you can do
it’s only brought me trouble
waiving now and then
we’re strangers once again
i had a feeling about you
send my regards to you
send my regards to you
send my regards to you
send my regards to you
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12. |
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i got home
i stayed home
i stayed home
i got down
i looked down at my phone
usually nothing gets any clearer
but i saw my friends
and felt a little nearer
I got bored
I went for a drive
Pressed the gas down just to feel alive
I don’t know where to go
I’m just going
There’s no plan
There’s no way of knowing
i can hardly explain it
we can hardly explain
why we feel so small
i can hardly explain it
we can hardly explain
how to hold it all
spending any given day
in a ball, curled
but could i see you sometime
in the new world
i made coffee
just a tad too strong
wracked my brain
for reasons all day long
read the news
took my cues from disaster
then i called my friend
cause my heart was beating fast
i can hardly explain it
we can hardly explain
why we feel so small
i can hardly explain it
we can hardly explain
how to hold it all
spending any given day
in a ball, curled
but could i see you sometime
in the new world
there’ll be magic
in every conversation
no more tragic
emerged from our staycation
got what you want, a renaissance
a class of gardener/bakers
well read and home fed
philosophers and painters
i can hardly explain it
we can hardly explain it
why we feel so small
i can hardly explain it
we can hardly explain
how to hold it all
i can hardly blame it
the way i’m feeling on an empty wall
spending any given day
in a ball, curled
but could i see you sometime
in the new world
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13. |
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Listening to the cars
Whirring by my house
Everyone’s going everywhere
Well don’t they know
Didn’t they hear
Everything is canceled now
Bars and parties, life itself
Appointments and the best laid plans
Keep it to yourself
Keep to yourself
save it for a rainy day
But what if it rains all the time?
Save it for a rainy day
But what if it rains? But what if it rains?
If i saved some money I
Could probably just ride this out
Learn to draw, do Krav Maga
I got my doubts, I got my doubts
My friend sent me a care package
She sent it by the US Mail
A ocean shell and half a brownie
It’ll do the trick, though it’s a little stale, she said
save it for a rainy day
But what if it rains all the time?
Save it for a rainy day
But what if it rains? But what if it rains?
I live alone, I’m always home
Ive never been more easily reached
It might be time for a landline
Leave a message at the, who am i kidding, i wouldn’t even let it beep
Have you had a lovely time
Have you finished writing your script?
Considering the circumstance
It’s about right, us meeting like we did
I still dream of meeting up
Somewhere just about halfway
Do they even have Four Seasons
In Kansas anyway?
We could waste it all on a curtain call
Room service, drunk and naked we lay 9
Or just keep dreaming of make believing
And save it for a rainy day
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Anthony da Costa Nashville, Tennessee
Anthony da Costa is a singer/songwriter from New York, currently living in Nashville, TN.
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